The Problem with Exercise (and everything)
In the years since I was drilled between the eyes with this great dilemma, I have physically grown a half-inch; lengthening and strengthening my spine enough to finally measure that nice, even 75 inches my pediatrician promised me when I was 12. This journey has taken the better part of four years and to be quite honest, has been truly absurd. Yet the difficulty of what I have accomplished and the work required to make it so, has given me a gift way greater than anything physical ever could. It has ruptured my sense of normal to the point where I know—there is no such thing.
Why I Take Cold Showers
My story goes something like this:
I was a Personal Trainer with a defunct body. I was aesthetically fit; endowed with “abs” from a regimen of eating mediocrely, lifting weights (with bad form), running, and the benefit of youth. But at age 24, the observance of chronic lower-back and shoulder pain necessitated my first application of The Life Method:
Question: Do I have absolutely no idea what it means to be healthy?
Test: Takes a Pilates class
Observation: Gets shown up by 50 year-old women
Feedback: Not happy about the observation—pretends event never happened
Result: Keeps injuring lower-back
How to Fitness Pt. 2 (The Worst Lies)
For the umteenth time, I witnessed my father partake in a night of, let’s call it “reckless” eating, and for the umteenth time, I attempted an intervention:
“At any point last night, during your inhalation of four slices of pizza, three-quarters of a pint of raspberry-crumb-cheesecake gelato and a Tito’s martini, did your long-term health ever cross your mind?”
“You know, that’s a good question.” He responded. “Probably not.”
Probably not.
Thank You For Sitting
For the first time in history, our best technologists are more interested in making you an object of monetization, than solving the problems that hinder our race. The light bulb made us more efficient at night. Flying to the moon showed us that we are not bound to the confines of our planet. Currently, my Amazon Alexa is eavesdropping on my conversations and using what she hears to sell me stuff on Instagram. Which of these things is not like the other?
How to Fitness Pt. 1
Yet, being healthy is not just something you start doing because you suddenly have loads of free time. It can certainly start that way, but as anyone who has had their motivation to get fit this quarantine sapped by an infatuation with Joe Exotic can attest, hoping and doing are not one in the same.
Mushrooms and Compassion
It was a bad mushroom trip that did it for me. I had a good one in college: kaleidoscopic visuals, nonsensical laughter, an ineffable sense of connectivity. The second time, however, was darker—much darker.
Are You Having Enough Fun?
This is how character develops as well. Growing up is tough; just ask a pubescent boy. He will probably tell you that learning to navigate girls is a lot like making a right-on-red. This early feedback—when we are learning to drive—is the information we will subsequently use as we traverse through life. If all goes well, the boy will transition into a young man and just as with making a right-on-red, hopefully he has enough practice to no longer shit his pants while conversing with the opposite sex—I’m still a work in progress. The things we perceive when we are developing will determine whether we grow up to be someone who instinctively says “Bless you” when a stranger sneezes, or someone who actively abstains like that weird lady on the subway. Hopefully, these examples show that our brains’ feedback and autopilot system is a double edged sword: allowing us to add complexity to our daily drive but making the disruption of our habits and character nearly impossible.
The Art of Resetting
Life doesn’t usually issue pause and reset buttons, yet that is exactly what this virus has given us. We’re in the midst of a chance to rediscover ourselves, our families and our communities; a chance we squander if we spend this time binging Oreos and Netflix while praying for it all to be over.
The Art of Waking Up
You may not be suffering from coronavirus, but you are suffering from a major case of Head Up Your Ass(HUA). Those with HUA have many symptoms, such as disregarding global warming, littering, browsing Instagram in social settings rather than putting in the effort to converse like a human, etc. Those with the worst cases downplay the severity of a real, global emergency in an effort to accrue likes on social media––and then wonder why people hate millennials.
Clean Your Room
Life is hard enough without the bullsh**. Status and money are those forces in your nightly dreams that prevent you from turning left, when you are desperately trying to turn right. And, what happens in that dream when you turn left despite your desire and intuition? That’s right, you fall into the abyss––always.
The Reason I'm Moving to LA
Understanding this has instilled in me a profound level of gratitude for both my heart and that someone. Listening has helped me uncover something I truly love—fixing broken bodies by fixing broken minds. This only happened when I stopped comparing myself to everyone else, and started measuring my success against who I was the day before. As a result—I stumbled upon happiness.
What I've Learned From Not Eating
Be honest with yourself: who wears the pants in your relationship with food? Overly anticipating meals makes us no better than predatory animals by robbing us of the two things that make us uniquely human: our individuality and our minds. Not eating for five days displayed that my dependence on food had led to an involuntary compartmentalization of my time—one that was driving me to act with the crowd while preventing me from reaching my full potential. If you wish to control your own destiny, you can begin by adopting the most important word in the English language—no. If you are content being like everyone else—just continue saying yes.
